Because if I'm not telling jokes, I'm going to sing. And, you don't want to hear that!

It'll be our little secret.

Almost as much fun as having a girlfriend.

Nothing else is open at this hour.

Actually, I'm looking for a roommate. If you don't smoke, have no pets, and don't mind an upstairs neighbor with Bronchitis, call me.

I decided to blow my cover in the witness protection program just to tell this joke.

I'm really cute and this is the closest you will ever come to me talking to you.

My green card just expired

Ron Popeil already took credit for inventing all the really cool stuff. I mean, I thought of the Pocket Fisherman first. Spray on hair? Thought of that first, too. But did I do anything about it? Nooooooooo! So listen to my iJoke and then buy my Beef Jerky making machine. What's that? Popeil already has one? Damn, he good!!!!

Otherwise I will be forced to sell your soul on Ebay.

What kind of stupid questions are these, anyway?

I watch Jay Leno. I mean, how hard can telling a joke really be?

you like to play with fire

Award-winning comedian, Second City Conservatory Alumni and certified hypnotist Don Barnhart has combined his comedy and improvisational skills to create one of the most unique, interactive and funniest comedy-hypnosis shows in the world.

be aware of imposters and burglars posing as comedians.

if nt for the beast within us we would be castrated angels-- hermann hesse

What happened when Edward and Bella got married?

I'm funny

It's awesome